Zoolander Movie Lines

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Zoolander movie lines rating: PG-13

"So when did you know you wanted to be a model?"

"Hmm... I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, 'Wow! You're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career.'"

"What would you say your trademark is, if you have one?"

"I guess the look I'm known best for is 'Blue Steel'."

"What's that look like? ... That's impressive."

"And then there's 'Ferrari' and 'Le Tigre'... 'Le Tigre's a lot softer, it's a little more of a... catalog look, I use it for footwear sometimes."

"So, do you spend a lot of time working on these looks? Thinking about them?"

Oh, sure. I've been working on 'Magnum' for... at least the last eight or nine years.

"Magnum? That's intriguing. Can I see that?"

Are you kidding!? I shouldn't even be talking about it. It's nowhere near ready."

"Ahh... Derek, I don't know if you're familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold... It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. I'm mean what are your thoughts on that, as someone who gets his picture taken for a living?"

"Well, I guess I have to answer your question, with another question... How many abadigitals do you see modeling!?"

"Maury Ballstein... 'Balls Models'."

"A man who needs no introduction."

"For me, it's just how I live my life, I grip it and I rip it!"

"I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot."

... 'Hansel' ...

"Did you ever think that maybe there is more to life than being really, really, really... ridiculously good looking?"

"If there's anything this tragedy can teach us, it's that a male models life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chizzled abs, and stunning features, it doesn't mean we can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident."

"A eugooglizer. One who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be to stupid to know what a eugoogly was?"

"Maybe, even I could have my own institute. We could call it, 'The Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read... Good'."

"I can turn left!"

"Ya... right.

"Right now this guy is so hot, he can take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it, and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings."

"It think I'm getting the black lung, pop... It's not very well ventilated down there."

For Christ sake, Derek, you been down there one day! Talk to to me in thirty years..."

"I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure! That my hair looks better done up with gel and mouse, than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it!"

"I just thank the lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid."

"Mer-man! ... Merman!"

"What is this? A center for ants?"


"How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read, if they can't even fit inside the building?"

"Derek I..."

"I don't want your excuses! The center has to be at least... three times bigger than this."

"Let me show you Derelicte! It is a fashion. A way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique. And I want you Derek, to be the face, the image, nay the Spirit of Derelicte."

"What are you having a wack attack?"

"Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day. D-A-I-Y-E... Ok?"

"Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?"

"I guess you can derelict my balls, Capi-tan."

"I can derelick my own balls, thank you very much."

"I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I've had since I was baby. ... I can't turn left."

"I'm sorry, I was wack."

"I was wack."

"I was wack."

"Derek and Matilda are in hiding because some dudes brainwashed Derek to off the Prime Minister of Micronesia."

"So I became...



"...You can read minds?"

"Seriously, do you like service yourself ten times a day?"

"Oh... snap!"

"There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesman, where I thought, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."

"Let's not lose our cool, then we're no better than the machine!"

"Mugatu's a dick. He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the claymation dude!"

"I have a prostate the size of a honey dew and a head full of bad memories."

"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"

Zoolander Review

Director: Ben Stiller

Writers: Drake Sather, Ben Stiller and John Hamburg

Released: September 28, 2001

Movie length: 89 minutes

Cast: Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

Owen Wilson - Hansel

Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries

Will Ferrell - Mugatu

Milla Jovovich - Katinka

Jerry Stiller - Maury Ballstein

David Duchovny - J.P. Prewitt

Jon Voight - Larry Zoolander

Judah Friedlander - Scrappy Zoolander

Nathan Lee Graham - Todd

Alexandre Manning - Brint

Asio Highsmith - Rufus

Alexander Skarsgård - Meekus

Donald Trump - Himself

Christian Slater - Himself

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